There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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