I puked a lego.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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