EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize