And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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