I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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