Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
