Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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