She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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