i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You're completely useless in the revolution.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
