Already got asked if we're dating
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
