he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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