he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
