i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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