i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
