remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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