You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
