question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
