Tell her she can't have a vagina
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
