I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
