I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
