I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
