My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
