Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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