The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
