17 year olds will be the death of me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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