genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
