I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
