you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
3pm strippers are depressing
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
