i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
