how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
