I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
