Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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