who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
