If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
