6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
