I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
