How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
