I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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