Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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