someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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