there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize