I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
