I wish I only lived at night.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
