So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
