the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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