I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
