Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
