i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
