haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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