He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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