drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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