Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
