you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
