a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize