i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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