im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
