party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
