What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
