belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
