i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize