Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
