You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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