just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
