i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
