Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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