I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
