go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
