my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
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