Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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