We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
