my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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