btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
