You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
