I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
