I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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