just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
