Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
