im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
